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First order and reflections on disappointments.

 

Coming back with a few thoughts to share. Yey!

Today we have our first order, the coffee is still not released but I am so happy to be pushed further and glad for the support and faith that close people show to me.

Usually I consider all my work with high criticism and try to make everything perfect, and when something goes not so well I feel disappointment, which is followed by low motivation, creativity leak and poor emotional state. Emotions really hold you back sometimes.

This time it fortunately pulled me out.

I was wondering if it means that some emotions are "bad" and oppress and others are "good" and maintain you. I found out that  emotions are like a response of the body to the manifistation of reality and how does it correspond with the expectations  (but surely it is much more complicated). But what I missconcepted the most, is that we are often wrong reading our emotions as they tend to be interpreted incorrectly by our mind.

When it comes to experiencing the emotion I feel like I can handle disappointment from external, not depending on me, factors, but struggle so much with something which is entirely under my control, like roasting or tasting. In first case I sacrifice  the ability to enjoy the upcoming success for pragmatical "let's hope for the best but get ready for the worst ''. The second one is just a killer.

Imagine like you are doing such a simple logical loop chain. Do default recipe - taste - analyze and make assumption of what needs to be changed - do new recipe. Somewhere in the middle you may find yourself confused of how your predictions suck and lead you toward bad results. Sometimes you may be misled by imperfect brewing technique or by neglecting the crucial conditions or just by leak of fundamental understanding of some thermodynamic laws that appear to be counterintuitive under some tricky circumstances. And all your hope for a better cup crushes upon this wall of reality, that we never fully understand.

And for some people at this point "bad" emotions and  self humiliating thoughts of inability to make right decisions come. I felt this many times.

Backwards, if you achieve something and expectations match the outcome, you are full of hope and motivation. Emotions of success push you forward till the next failure.

Such an emotional pendulum is a common way of going through life for me. But it does not seem to be healthy.

So, we can not escape from emotions, can we?

Emotions should be processed somehow, released and, better to say, realized truly. What holds us from perceiving them correctly and why does it happen selectively?

Hard to say for sure, we have such a huge range of emotions and barely are able to come up with a name or description for them, how about a simultaneous emotions which are teasing you apart? Naming them is crucial if we want to communicate and understand each other more clearly, as I assume.

One of the issues is that emotions that are not welcome by society or a close group of people can be suppressed, not recognised or replaced by neuroses. Some of the emotional blind spots could be formed as a consequence of a trauma. This kind of problem should be solved with the help of psychotherapy.

Another approach is just to experience the emotion and do not try to label it as it might result in a semantic limitation of the truly complex phenomena in the moment, just observe your state and do not try to fit it into any assessment or background knowledge. (Like Krishnamurti suggested)  

You can also try to stalk yourself in the moment of overwhelming emotion and trace the path to the root while staying fully self aware by training internal silence. (Kastaneda way)

Even regular meditative techniques, listening to your body and focusing on a breath are claimed to be a relief for misunderstood emotions.

Being controversial with some esoteric hints, all of these made me to the conclusion that emotion regulation is worth thousands of research papers and books. But could be truly explored and discovered personally and by practicing.

How often do you feel confident despite the shit that happens around? What helps you to stay calm and focused when something goes far off the plan you made. When do you have enough composure to clearly and critically analyze the situation and not be  misled by feelings? How do you manage to take care of yourself and escape excessive self critique at   these moments?

These questions I will be asking people and myself for better understanding of how to stay aware and not  become lost in unreasonable doubts. Share with your answers here or here , I will appreciate it.